can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my shit smells like andre
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
