I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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