Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
