she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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