Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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