did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
