He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize