we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
