We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
