Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
