I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
