I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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