1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
