We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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