You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
