I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
