I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
