he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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