i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
