Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think a kid would responsible me up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i think my cat just said my name.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
