I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
