It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My ATM looks so different sober.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
