she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
