I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
