Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
