every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize