Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
