The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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