so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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