just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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