I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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