is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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