I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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