carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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