Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
