I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
