im drinking this country out of the recession.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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