Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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