why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tonight lets celebrate not being married
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
