You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
