Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
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