after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
