She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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