I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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