Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
