I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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