tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
