Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
