God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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