I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
