Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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