In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
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Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Who died my cat blue again?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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