is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
