would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
