In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
