i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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