u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
