I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
