maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
