well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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