I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.