Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize