I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me