I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...