theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
