May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This is the high leading the old right now
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
my liver is dry heaving