please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire