i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.