You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
