I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ugly people sure do ruin things
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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