were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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