Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
