I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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