Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
