took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
