I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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