I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
