I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
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