I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
