Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
