Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
