Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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