who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
