I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
